Monastic Obedience
The first step on the way to humility is to obey an order without delaying for a moment. That is a response which comes easily to those who hold nothing dearer that Christ himself.”
In my professional life, I reacted negatively to the word obedience. It referred to persons having power over others and using it to impose their will on them….an imposed obedience.
In my spiritual work, three things have helped me understand obedience differently.
First, I have a teacher. Her teachings and the form of Zen which she asks that I follow have broadened my understanding of obedience. She asks that I adhere to form and ritual for services in the zendo, for participating in retreats, for meetings with her, and for my training. She does not make demands or promises. She does offer suggestions. She stresses that I should not believe what she says…. that this is my practice and I should investigate for myself. She often states she can only point in a direction. During individual meetings, she asks questions and offers observations, teachings and suggestions about how to practice. She is warm, but does not coddle. She frequently says that this practice is not for everyone….do it or don’t, it is up to me.
The obedience I practice with her is a surrendering to her teaching and what is in my heart. It rests on respect, a willingness to share in her truth and to investigate it for myself. It supports me, but it challenges me to let go of clinging to my old habits, thinking and desires and instead asks that I surrender to the precepts.
Secondly, some say the only rule of Zen is, to begin and continue. It is a rule I want to obey. I had valued continuing in my professional life. I now practice each morning to reflect on it. I draw strength from it when I am stymied or feel defeated. It reminds me that the way forward is linked to my own effort and attention. It triggers me to remember to obey other directives such as to pay attention to just what is in front of me, to restrain myself from being carried off by my thinking, and to ask for help. Obeying such instructions, I am better able to focus on what is going on within me instead of getting caught up in reacting to that which surrounds me.
Finally, my willingness to obey is strengthened by moments when I have unexpectedly reacted to some event from some place deep, absent my thinking and consideration and uncharacteristic of my small self. This happened in 2012, when a security guard in Florida shot and killed a young man. In the opinion of many, including me, the killing was unjustified. Many demanded charges be brought. I suddenly became uncontrollably grief stricken for the man who did the shooting. I did not reason my way to this reaction. I did not have words to talk about it. It just arose in me. My heart opened in a way that I had never experienced.
Upon reflection and discussion with my teacher, I believe my reaction was a result of all that is my practice and evidence of a knowing faith that has emerged in me. Buddhists refer to it with words such as the unborn, undying, unending or mystery. Other religions refer to God. I do not know what to call it. It is something in me and beyond me that opened my heart at that moment in a way that nothing else has. When it happened, it made me want to obey all that this work asks of me.
Author: Zhong Fen li Bao yu Di
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