The Proof is in the Pudding
As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: Turn away from your desires; and in the Lord’s Prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfillment in us.”
Not long ago my teacher brought home to me in no uncertain terms my resistance to her as teacher and my looking upon her corrections as an intrusion, something to be angry about rather than seeing it as a Treasure of the Dharma. I was dismayed. I had not been aware of it at all and didn’t get it. I was disparaging the Treasure? Don’t I have the teachings in my home from bathroom to kitchen? It took some time before I could see the truth. Then it hit me on the head like a brick. I understood. All day I stared at this new realization and as can happen a memory came to illustrate what I needed to learn.
Some years back, my community was planning to celebrate a significant occasion. It was a big deal. I was part of the planning group. Someone had the bright idea that we should put on a production that would tell our story– with giant puppets. I thought it was crazy. Too much work and I knew I would be heavily involved. I was not enthusiastic at all. I wanted a more simple, easy way to celebrate. I resisted and did my best to discourage it.
Then one morning I had a ‘vision’ so to speak. I saw what this whole thing could look like, what its message could be. It was as clear as day. I was so energized by what I understood that immediately I wrote the rest of the gang and told my story. We were on. We hired the artistic director of the puppet theater to lead us. We built our story out of fact and fancy. Volunteers came out of the woodwork. We dropped everything else and every day for the month of January we planned, drew, cut, sawed, sewed, sanded, nailed, hammered, and painted. Our teacher guided and taught. The story grew and we grew. We finished the work and put it all to bed until practice time in summer. A month of practice and honing. We let it burst open in August for community and neighborhood. We and the giant puppets told our story with history, music, drama, dance and twelve foot puppets, a lively, prayerful, playful kind of liturgy that in subtle ways lives on.
It lives on for me today for the memory of that messy colorful building of a play together deepens my understanding of the Three Treasures; the Teacher, the Teaching, the unique Communities in my life, living and dead.
It lives on for me today for it reminds me of how I can prevent something beautiful from happening when I hang onto my stingy desires and reject what seems too difficult but is actually so full of promise.
It lives on for me today as I remember the ‘vision’ of what could be and how my resistance turned into wholehearted giving of self.
Benedict reminds us of the psalm that tells us to turn away from our desires. It’s a daily dying to self, a discipline, a practice that helps open the way to know our True Desire. Sometimes it takes a whack on the head but that True Desire, that Root Desire is absolutely necessary. It’s the desire for the One for whom one gives everything.
Author: Ho Getsu Sen Gen
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