Cherishing Silence
In a monastery we ought to follow the advice of the psalm which says: I have resolved to keep watch over my ways so that I may not sin with my tongue. I am guarded about the way I speak and have accepted silence in humility, refraining from even words that are good.
Benedict adds, “it is written in scripture that one who never stops talking cannot avoid falling into sin.” I hold a similar view. When I feel the desire to talk, which is often, I usually want something for my small self. I wish to appear in some way that satisfies the needs of my ego. This is the case even when the words are “good” as Benedict says. When I talk less, when I move towards silence, it helps me restrain my desire to be seen as this or that. Sister Wendy Beckett says less talk creates more opportunity to focus on one’s personal truth. She adds,
“Truth is what you’re meant to be, but haven’t yet become…. what God meant you to be, all of your qualities fulfilled, no dead sections that you are afraid to work with within you, no areas of negligence that you just didn’t bother to take seriously.”
I meditate in silence each morning and observe silence at other times. The silent periods help me turn from the distractions of everyday life. When in silence, I can observe and reflect upon what arises, my reactions, and my desires for the small self. More awareness helps me in my effort to be faithful to the precepts.
I live in a monastic householder setting. I practice in my home with another monk in training, and where I share in the tasks of running a household. It can be difficult to maintain my attention.
These are some things I do to help with that.
First, I try to pay attention to just what is in front of me. When I do, I am less distracted by what swirls around me. When I lose my attention, I drift. It helps me refocus if I stop and chant. A favorite is “Little thoughts, subtle thoughts, when followed, stir up the heart.”
I practice to restrain myself from offering opinions. This is very difficult for me. The opinions I offer are based on my likes, dislikes and judgments. I offer them from the belief that I know. When I throw them around, the precepts vanish. I am calmer and less distracted when I speak less about what I think I know.
I look at art in silence. I sit with one or two paintings at a time. Sister Wendy Beckett advises “to let the work speak without setting up preconditions, without defending the fragility of your ego, because works of art can teach us things about ourselves we would rather not know.”
The practice helps me focus my attention on what matters.
I write. I work with whatever I have written to strip away what is untrue, misleading or my own projection. I once wrote a poem based on a photo of indigenous women who had suffered torture and rape. The image showed them sitting in a court room, heads covered, confronting their perpetrators. After a rewrite, my teacher would remind me to stop projecting onto the photo, see what was actually there, and write about it. Wonderful training that I do in silence.
Finally, I train to avoid chit chat. I need to train because it is a strong tendency of mine. It leads me to gossip and this brings in my prejudices. Even so-called “good” chit chat distracts me. My friend recently used the word “passive” in describing Buddhism. I bristled, but said nothing. It irritated me for several days. Reflecting upon it, I realized that I regarded “passive” to be bad, even though it is neither good nor bad. Chit chat distracts and wastes precious time.
Author: Zhong Fen li Bao yu Di
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