Resistance as Futile
“If instructions are given to anyone in the community which seem too burdensome, or even impossible, then the right thing is to accept the order in the spirit of uncomplaining obedience.”
I frequently fail to recognize that instructions which seem too burdensome or impossible are actually gifts. Too often, I am unable see that my resistance to them is an invitation to look more deeply at my behavior and thinking. When I resist, when I dig in my heels, it can be painful.
I initially resisted the instruction from Benedict. I began debating it in my head as though I was participating in a college ethics course. Something about it pricked my small self. Fortunately, I quickly noticed it and had the wherewithal to ask who was the “I” that was resisting this instruction?
Was it the “I” who wants to have the final say rather than obey? Or the “I” who wants to qualify obedience so that he can still get whatever he craves? In this situation, I was fortunate to stop my reaction quickly. Further investigation is now possible.
But, what happens when it is more difficult than this…. when my resistance to instructions or my attachment to spiritually unhealthy habits persists?
I need to restrain myself. I need to STOP doing it, whatever it is. If I do not, I will continue to be carried away by my thinking and desire. I will be unable regain my attention or hear the Dharma. Even though the divine is next to me, I will stay turned away from it. I must quiet myself, drop the internal and external discussion about whatever it is, not defend, and obey the command to STOP IT. If I fail, I must try again. Restraint from thinking and speaking is my starting point.
When my children became adults, I found it very difficult to follow their instructions to give them advice only when they asked for it. I wanted to help them. I believed that I was entitled, even obligated to do so, as their father. I also believed my years of experience meant I knew things. Fortunately, each of them forcefully rebuffed my intrusions. But, the exchanges were unpleasant for everyone. Eventually, with their continued instruction and attention and effort on my part, I was able to restrain this behavior. I began to listen and offer support and silence instead. When I failed, they reminded me. Working with the precepts I was able to see the harm I had been doing. I had been a thief…. stealing their autonomy and power, making them feel less than they were…less than me. It also donned on me that being a father is not who I am. I had helped to raise them, but that was now over. I needed to let go of this identity and all that I wanted from it. I have more work to do. But, STOPPING my behavior and obeying their instruction were essential first steps in calming my mind enough to uncover my delusional thinking and the harm I was doing.
A few words about working with the precepts. There is no one way to use them. It is up to each of us to determine that for ourselves. I read valuable commentary about them, but the precepts are of little value unless I work with them. I start the day by considering them, reciting them. It takes little time, but it helps me to begin the day remembering them and vowing to train with them. Next, I train with them as I participate in the activities of the day. I fail when I become distracted by my feelings and thinking. As with any training, when I fail or fall down, I get up and keep trying. Defeat is neither good nor bad. It’s another opportunity to study myself in order to protect my mind and heart, so that I do not harm myself or others.
I usually begin with the precept to “cultivate goodness in all conditions.” It instructs me to “return to the Dharma within in all situations…to train not to be swayed by external circumstances.” It encourages me to let go of whatever I am attached to in the “world of men” and turn towards the goodness, the divine. Always a good place to begin.
The daily practice of the precepts is on the website of A Single Thread/Zen Contemplatives. Or click: The Precepts
Author: Zhong Fen li Bao yu Di
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